The Power Of Art As Therapy – Part 5 Turning Pain into Purpose Unequivocally Me 2.0

The Power Of Art As Therapy – Part 5 Turning Pain into Purpose Unequivocally Me 2.0

Let’s rewind to wear it all began.

I was only 6 years old when my father died and I remember those early weeks quite distinctly. Dad had bowel cancer and from diagnosis to his passing was about 4 months. One day he got sick and the next day he was gone.

Everyone bought me gifts. Passing mourners that entered our home brought me something nice, shiny and new. I was never a spoilt child and these sorts of presents were normally reserved for Christmas and birthdays. I was supposed to be sad wasn’t I? How could I possibly be sad when I had all these wonderful new toys to distract me. It was a very emotionally confusing time for me.

The morning of the funeral, I recall my grandparents pulling up the driveway quite early. I was excited because Grandad was here and it wasn’t even the weekend. He was all dressed up in his suit and tie. My Nan never got out of the car, and my excitement was short-lived as I also saw the neighbour, who always ate the best biscuits when she babysat, trundling up behind. Then Mum said goodbye and left. I remember watching them leave in Grandad’s car and feeling terrible and confused about the whole thing.

I cannot recall them telling me they were burying my Dad that day because that would be something I would definitely remember. I was just annoyed and confused that they had gone somewhere without me, and I was left in the house with the lady from around the corner who would tie her kid to the clothesline by his child harness.

Mum wanted me to remember Dad the way he was, not laying in a box, and as a parent we all have to make terribly difficult decisions. But I never had a chance to say goodbye. I never even had a chance to grieve. I carried that grief with me for over 30 years until I lost my second pregnancy at 11 weeks. The impact of well-meaning decisions around my father’s death influenced so much of my life. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I realised how important it was that, no matter how hard, little humans also need a space to grieve.

As adults, we do everything possible to protect our children from the hurts and pain of the world, but it catches up. It’s not something that ever goes away until we are faced to deal with it differently. I spent many many years grieving the loss of my father instead of praising the effects and hard work of my mother. It was always about the loss for me. The Dad who didn’t come to special Father’s Day events. The Dad that couldn’t walk me down the aisle. The Dad I couldn’t hug and confide in because, well, he was dead. All I had for many years was a plague in a crematorium and no closure.

The void this created was a severe sense of lack. My mother became fiercely independent, and to her credit, we never went without. I may have grown up on second-hand clothes and Vegemite sandwiches, but we never went hungry, we always had clothes, and we always had a roof over our heads.

Losing a father figure at a very young age changed the course of my life and it hasn’t been all bad. Pain can bring out the worst and the best in some people. Not all people that are hurting hurt people.

Art has taught me how to express emotion productively and positively. Take my latest ‘Art with Heart’ cards as an example. I needed a constructive way to view my situation when I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I knew exactly what the negative self-talk was telling me, and sometimes, it was dressed up with pretty clothes and lipstick. This is why the negative side of these cards looks attractive and colourful, not dark and foreboding.

It’s a tough journey taking a good hard look in the mirror and recognising everything that needs to change within ourselves. The ego is designed to protect us and sometimes it takes a hard life lesson or two to knock us back on the right path.

Cancer turns you inside out. It affects everything and everyone around you. I believe my stomach cancer was my massive initiation into my life’s purpose. My more recent cancer diagnosis was to just make sure I’d learned my lessons. There are still lessons as part of this process, but I’m pretty confident I’m done.

I got it loud and clear.

Boundaries, non judgment, forgiveness.

Done done done.

Please, Universe, let me be done. I’ll be quite happy to shine right up until my number is up.

Marla Spiritual Guidance 2020

Marla Spiritual Guidance 2020

Firstly, this is the first time I have publicly shared a reading with you all. Whatever your belief system, if you do decide to continue to read, I want you to do so with an open heart and mind. For those that have had a commissioned Guide Drawing done for them before you will know there is part channeling, part symbology and part intuitive as I am gently guided when I start to write or paint. This is how it works for me.

This painting may mean different things to different people, and that is totally okay. I am an interpreter of my own work and how she resonates with you will be your truth. Feel free to screen shot her and take her into your home. Meditate with what this painting means to you and just allow the images to reveal themselves. I have had several requests for Guide work however I am not offering personal Guide Drawings at the moment as I am choosing to protect my own energy. However, if a little way down the track I feel guided to open up my books again I will be sure to post it on my Social. As always take care and #stayathome.

Namaste

Michelle

As I began writing this reading I was reminded of the song ‘He has the whole world in his hands.’ This song is a reminder that God (The Divine, Universal Energy or however you choose to identify with Source) is in control of all aspects of creation and we should take comfort in this knowledge. From the birds in the air and the fish in the sea to “little bitsy babies”, everything is in Gods hands.

This beautiful Guide introduced herself to me as Marla. When I looked up the meaning of the name Marla it is a variant of the name Marlene, which comes from Mary Magdalene, the biblical woman to whom Jesus Christ first appeared after his resurrection. This may mean something or nothing, but I believe a name holds weight especially when a Guide shares this with me, as they do not always reveal this detail. Interpret this as you will.

For those that know about power animals, Hummingbird symbology represents one of joy, love, healing, happiness and timelessness. ‘Hummingbird also possesses an unusual hovering pattern, and is able to move its wings in a figure of eight pattern, a symbol for infinity., This holds a message for us – often we find ourselves stuck in time, regretting or longing for the past, or hoping that the future will bring better things, building castles in the sky. We are shown how to view the past and then let go, rather than be continuously caught up in it, we learn how to appreciate that the past creates our future, and that even at the time some lessons were harsh and hurtful ones, we wouldn’t be who we are without these lessons today. We need the past to create the future, but mustn’t dwell in it, yet we may reflect on it bur not in a bitter cant-let-go manner. If we become the observer of our lives by moving back a step, our lives will be viewed differently. Hummingbird teaches us to go beyond time and to see that what happened in the past and what may happen in the future is not nearly as important as what is occurring now. Remember to hover in the moment, and to appreciate its sweetness. Drink deeply of the nectar of life. The vibrating hum of this birds wings and their lightness seem to symbolise the subtle energetic healing which essences can provide. Their physical lightness is a powerful reminder for us to lighten up. When weighed down with worries, our spirits cannot soar.’ – Inna Woolcott

To read more about Hummingbird energy please see the Shamanic Journey website http://www.shamanicjourney.com/hummingbird-power-animal-mes…

Marla’s Message: 


Your prayers are heard sweet children of planet Earth. You have not been forgotten. Trust me when I say that a solution will come but not in the way you expect. Allow this time to plant seeds for what is to come, for this is the change that was always going to happen. If you want to see a different world then you are going to have to create this together. Some will soon forget the difficulties in which you are all facing, and others will find it difficult to move forward with the weight of their grief and sorrow. Hold fast awakened ones, as you are the anchors that will allow the space for the new world to enter. Grieve not for the souls that are ascending for they are simply coming home. You are surrounded by pure unconditional love. There is no right or wrong, it ‘just is’. Can you feel the energy building? It is sending out impulses that are reaching galaxies far beyond yours. We hear the call and we are coming. You do not have to do this alone, so with unseen hands we are holding space for you while you transition. Much like a Mother will watch tenderly knowing her babe will fall, but also waiting to see them stand up on their own. There are times when we need to step back to allow you to grow, this is that time. Remember, remember dear ones. Remember where you come from and why you are here at this very moment in time. You chose to help with the evolution of this planet. Return back to love and you will remember. You will remember. 

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the wind and the rain in His hands

He’s got the wind and the rain in His hands

He’s got the wind and the rain in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the little bitty baby in His hands

He’s got the little bitty baby in His hands

He’s got the little bitty baby in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got you and me, brother in His hands

He’s got you and me, brother in His hands

He’s got you and me, brother in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got you and me, sister in His hands

He’s got you and me, sister in His hands

He’s got you and me, sister in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole world in His hands

When Life Gives You Lemons

When Life Gives You Lemons

Fifteen years ago I became a mum. I left the workforce and became a full time stay at home parent. Still wanting to keep my mind active I studied to become a swimming teacher but ended up paying more out in childcare fees than my actual wage. When my second baby arrived I decided to put my work life on hold until he was a little more independent. That was 11 years ago. When my youngest was heading off to four year old kindergarten I thought great, now I can get back into work and start contributing to the household finances, then I was diagnosed with cancer. That was 7 years ago.

Over the last seven years I have worked a casual job which ended rather abruptly after I had a dumping episode. Unfortunately a side effect of living without a stomach and a boss who was not willing to compromise. I’ve also done contract work but the pay and the hour and 20 minute round trip wasn’t even covering my petrol.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of pluses.  I get to stay at home, attend children’s events at school, dont have to compromise my boss if any of the kids are home sick, volunteer my time to the school community, eat when I want, rest when I want, go out when I want and work on my art portfolio. Its like being on one big holiday only there is no sightseeing or spending money and you have to motivate yourself to get out of bed every single day.

Sacrificing all the things that come with working full time and being able to up skill in the creative sense has been the most selfish and fulfilling part of being at home. Launching a website and Page on Facebook, doing commissioned art pieces for people all over the world. Pushing myself on a daily basis to be better, to be more visible, to extend my experiences into meditation classes, art classes, craft workshops. Advertising, daily posts, sticking flyers up around local shops. Expand, expand, expand, doing what I love in the hope that I can not only help others but give my family the financial freedom we so desire.  Here I am nearly eight years down the track and I feel like a bit of a failure. I am so tired. So tired of trying to balance my health, my family, my support page and my business. So tired of feeling guilty for not being able to financially contribute to the family income, so tired of feeling I am not where I thought I would be.  Watching others around me so motivated, meditating daily for blasts of inspiring feel good posts, feeling into the rhythm of the universe and working with the cycles of the moon, bla bla bla, plastering positivity all over their social media, watching friends who have their shit together and feeling I could be doing more,  I should be doing more, I need to be seeing and being more.  But I can’t because I am SO TIRED of trying and failing.  Seriously, there are only so many times you can pick yourself up before you have to stop and reevaluate your entire life and the current direction you are facing. And now a quiet pause…….

“Hey Spirit, here is your opportunity to send that big bolt of 
lightening I have been waiting for.” 

I can understand why so many amazing Artists simply give up trying to make a living from their Art. I really wanted to be the exception. After all I am a walking miracle and by all accounts I shouldn’t be alive right now. Should’nt that mean something? Didn’t God let me live so that I could see out a much greater purpose? I thought I’d been grasping life by the big kahunas to create the successful abundant life I deserve, but I haven’t succeeded and being granted a second chance at life doesn’t make me special, it just makes me extremely lucky.  My life holds no more value than anyone else’s. My experiences certainly make me look at life with a different perspective and I always look for every possibility.  If I didn’t I could possibly be the most miserable person on the planet.  Here’s a depiction of me looking miserable with a pair of useless big kahunas.

Is there a part of me that has had a sense of entitlement that because I survived that makes me somehow special? Reality check …… I think there might have been.  My shadow just got a big slap in face and knows this is a complete fabrication to cover up any insecurities and fear around lack and acceptance. Getting through cancer doesn’t make me special, it makes me a liability.  Lets face it letting a few organs go is going to compromise a lot of things and those that say it was a small price to pay to survive, well lets just say that comment is not helpful. They have absolutely no comprehension what price I have had to pay and continue to pay for everyday of my life.  I simply do not have the capacity to work full time anymore. I don’t even know how I will cope part time. If I disclose the reasons for the gap in my of employment then I can almost guarantee that no matter how experienced I am or how much of a kind competent person I maybe, my resume will be cast aside quicker than yesterday’s newspaper.  Let’s just look at the term cast aside for a moment. Abandoned, unwanted, undervalued, overlooked, ignored, forgotten, unused, depreciated, declined, passed over. Ever fiber in my being fights these words every single day, consciously and unconsciously.  PTSD is very real in my world and it comes out in various ways, some of them extremely healing and creative and some not so constructive.

What does success look like anyway?
A large social media following? –  These people probably have no time for anything else or they have lots of people working for them so stop comparing.
A healthy bank account? –  Who doesn’t want an endless supply of cash but think about all of the things that are sacrificed in order to have this, including being with the most important people in your life.
A balanced body? –  This is hard work in every sense of the word.
A great job?  – Whats that? Unless you are extremely fortunate to love what you do or work for yourself in which case there are also big sacrifices.
Holidays? – That was nice for all of three seconds, now go chain yourself back to your desk in a job you hate with people you don’t really like but have to tolerate so you can save up for your next holiday.
Healthy relationships? –  Saying no, creating boundaries, letting toxic people go no matter how much it hurts – did I also mention hard work.
Lots of friends? – The more friends you have the more drama you are likely to be pulled into – keep your circle small.
OR
Just the fact that you have somewhere soft and warm to sleep with food in your cupboards? – Some may call that gratitude others might call that living in survival energy. Either way it’s all a matter of perspective.

I am also under no illusion that what people post is what they want you to see.  Most people do not  want other people to see that they are not coping, that their marriage is falling apart, that they cant afford to feed themselves, there are bills on the fridge they cant pay, that their health is failing, that their job is taking a mental and physical toll on their well-being and that life can sometimes be really tough.  A beautiful made up face and cute baby photos do not equate to a good sleep and a well adjusted baby!  All the misconceptions and in-authenticity out there in social media land causes a ripple of self doubt and anxiety that we all should be more that what we are or what we are capable of achieving. One big Snap chat filter so the world never has to see the real us.  Even the most positive posts can be full of falseness and fishing for more likes or comments. Ive seen it happen in groups where people strategically reply over several days to comments on posts to bring their post back up to the top of the page for more exposure.  It happens and these people are sprinkling spirituality out of their calculating fingertips. Sometimes I cant work out if I admire their enterprising genius or despise their disingenuous.   Like it or not social media is such an integrated part of our daily lives that it plays a part in what I consider part of my success and some days like today I am just as messed up as the next person.

As I approach my eight year cancer free I am also contemplating what the future holds for me.  But for today I do nothing but write as my head hurts from projecting, my heart aches from my past failures, my body is completely and utterly exhausted and my soul is so so tired. I know this shall pass and when the waves of emotion retreat I will have found another spark of inspiration from God knows where and a renewed sense of hope for better more abundant days to come. If there is one thing I love about me its the fact that I can recognize when I need to stop, retreat and give myself the time to reinvent myself.  Kind of like Madonna but without her bank account!

When life gives you lemons, you say F?@k lemonade. Then google every single recipe you can using lemons!

Michelle <3

The Stomachless Artist

The Stomachless Artist

 

Hi, I’m Michelle. I thought I would reintroduce myself to everyone. In 2011 my world changed forever. Not only did I survive stomach cancer I also discovered I live with Lynch Syndrome, also known as hereditary nonpolyposis colorectal cancer. For anyone who has carries a genetic predisposition there is a lot of anxiety attached to it.

I attended self development for many years, have read a pile of books, connected with others living in similar circumstances and have spent an awful amount of time in my head. In my newsletter I wrote “One of the things I will take away from 2017 is that I have tried very hard to be a bee over the last few years. Encouragement pushing me in that direction has only made me more conflicted and aware that I was trying to be something I was not. My business was not gaining momentum because of what I was projecting and I know now that that was not my authentic self, rather a productive version of me that I felt I had to be in order to be successful. All the while I was unconsciously projecting the very fear of success I was afraid of by not being true to myself. “

This has been a confronting year of truth and as Kerwin Rae says ‘Just trust the path as you go.’ Doing things through fear has held me back because I believed that I had to find one thing and be great at that. But, I am not one thing, I am many things and I can BE all of them. It has taken some serious life lessons to realize I just need to be me.

Fact, I live without a stomach everyday and some days are more challenging than others. My art is my healing space and my time to create for others. I am a mother, a wife, a cancer survivor, a healer, a writer, an artist, an explorer, a creator, a business woman and a friend. In order to live to my full potential I need to accept all of me without self judgment.

So with excited uncertainty I do not know where the path is going to take me in 2018 but I know I will be embracing it with both hands. ?❤️??

#bio #Artist #magical #uniquegift #abundance #livewithoutlimits #cancersurvivor #stomachcancer #bringon2018 #artistwithnostomach

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The Spiritual Journey Has Nothing To Do With Being Nice

The Spiritual Journey Has Nothing To Do With Being Nice

This quote came up on my news-feed on Facebook this morning and got me to thinking.  There is still the belief that people expect you to be a tree hugging hippie because you are living a ‘spiritual life’. It is like the shadow of religious dogma coming down on you again and people having the perception that because you believe in a higher consciousness that you should walk around being a ‘nice’ person. I’m not sure why they feel you should turn the other cheek and forgive unconditionally then diss you if you don’t.

From my experience, when you start to walk in your truth, when you decide to put boundaries in your life, when you start to honor your space first you may not appear to those around you like a nice person.  You may actually appear like a very selfish one. The reason this occurs is because you start to change and shift and people don’t like that.  They either have to change themselves to continue to be a reflection of you or you leave them behind, which in turn can bring up lots of negative feelings for them.   There are plenty of victims in life and when you shine the light on their bad behavior or no longer tolerate their dramas then they feel they have no other option than to deflect the responsibility of their actions and bad mouth you.  Its like being voted off the Island on the game of Survivor! You can loose entire friendship circles, family members, work colleges. It can sometimes feel like a purging by fire only you do not come out Daenerys Targaryen and you are not the Mother of Dragons!

Instead  you are left with a lightness which can feel like a void. What are you going to possibly do with all this time now you don’t have to sit there in drama?  You are going to get out and live the creative life you were born to live, that’s what you are going to do. Find your purpose, reconnect with your spirit, do things that make you happy and love those important people in your life that make your heart smile.  Embrace the shadow side of yourself, for there is no Yin without Yang. Learn how to read your negative thoughts and pull them apart piece by piece until you locate the real reason why you feel like you do.  Self truth is an incredibly confronting thing and it pushes you out of your comfort zone.  Not everyone is ready for that, and that is why not everyone is ready to go on a ‘spiritual journey’. I’m not going to lie, it can sometimes make you feel very alone especially around those special milestones when you realize that you no longer have enough genuine ‘friends and family’ to invite to fill a room to help you celebrate.

If being real has lost me friends, then I know the one’s I have gained since and continue to meet are the ones I allow to enter into my sacred space.  I still struggle and like all humans I have an inner craving to be accepted. The last six years of my life has seemed like a tidal wave, all the old was washed away and I am more confident with who I am and why I am here, and realize that I may not always appear to be ‘nice’, but I’m okay with that.