by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Aug 23, 2023 | Blogs, Cancer, Life Lessons, Pancreatic Cancer, Updates
Hello My Arty Friends,
If you are not connected to my socials you may not be aware that on the 24th July 2023 I was diagnosed with early stage pancreatic cancer. I remember clearly writing about my previous stomach cancer experiences and how my perception of time changed. Hearing the ‘C’ work again after 12 years was like watching two cars collide in slow motion, only this time I felt like I was observing the accident rather that sitting behind the steering wheel. I love explaining things in metaphors, so let’s call this ‘the 2nd baby’. Anyone that has experienced childbirth knows that no matter what anyone tells you first time around, nothing can actually prepare you for parenthood. Second time around you know what’s coming and even though the experience maybe similar there will be new lessons because no second baby is ever like the first baby!
In 2019 I wrote a letter to my past-self which I will share some part of. It tells a grueling tale of what I would have said to myself knowing what I know now. The lows and highs of cancer. The sadness, grief, hope and gratefulness all mixed up in a messy soup of medical appointments. The weight loss, the hair loss, the friend loss. The additional financial burden that’s placed on a family and the lack of support and understanding that the primary Carer suffers. I soon worked out that a wig only made other people feel comfortable, so the night I decided not to wear one to a school open night was met with awkward stares and parents avoiding eye contact to avoid conversations. The absolute clincher was a school mum’s jesting, calling me a ‘skinny bitch’ post-surgery. I assured her that she could also be as thin as me if she was prepared to go through the same thing. Some people are soooooo inappropriate!
‘You are going to lose a lot of weight and I mean a lot. You are probably going to kick yourself for wishing you could lose weight. You got your wish but not the way you thought it was going to happen. You know those chubby cheeks, those voluptuous breasts and wobbly belly you hate so much when you look in the mirror – you are going to lose it all. In fact, by the time you have finished you are going to have to change everything in your wardrobe, even your shoes. It was nice at first but when those curves that define you as a woman start to disappear even you will be shocked at your appearance. You will actually walk past a window and smile at the person looking back at you because for a split second you didn’t realize it was a reflection and you didn’t recognize the girl looking back was you. ‘
Reading back through that letter it is clear how much I have grown and I’m not the only one. The level of support provided by the hospital has improved so much over the last decade that I honestly don’t know how I managed it all by myself the first time around. This second diagnosis has been challenging for my husband and children who, once again, have to watch me go through more treatment, surgery and 12 to 18 months of recovery. I honestly have no idea what life looks like on the other side of this, but I have some comfort in knowing that although this is another high mortality cancer, we caught this one early. It certainly doesn’t mean that I’m out of the woods, but it does give me more options due to early cancer screening.
As this tumour is in my pancreas and not my colon the recommended treatment has to be privately funded. My family needs to raise $61,000 in order to pay for a ‘mismatch repair deficiency cancer’ that decided to grow in a non-government funded organ. This covers approximately 21 treatments and then the next two years are free of charge. If you would like to help us financially I have started a GoFundMe page where you can donate. If you prefer to own some of my artwork you can support me by purchasing through my shop.
If you would like to know a little more about the science, here is some information regarding Lynch Syndrome and its associated cancers along with information regarding Keytruda which is the immunotherapy treatment I have been put on.
Lynch syndrome (previously known as HNPCC) is an inherited genetic mutation which gives people an increased chance of developing certain cancers across their lifetime, often at a younger age than the general population (i.e. before 50 years of age).
These cancers include, but are not limited to:
- Bowel cancer*
- Endometrial cancer (lining of the uterus)*
- Ovarian cancer
- Stomach cancer
- Hepatobiliary cancer (liver/gallbladder)
- Urinary tract cancer
- Kidney cancer
- Pancreatic cancer
- Brain cancer
- Skin (sebaceous adenoma, sebaceous epithelioma, or sebaceous carcinoma and keratoacanthoma)
- Small bowel cancer
https://lynchsyndrome.org.au/the-facts/what-is-lynch-syndrome/
Most cancers in people with an inherited MLH1 mutation will have a tumor biomarker known as “MSI-high” or “MSI-H” (microsatellite instability). This biomarker indicates that the tumor has a feature known as “mismatch repair deficiency,” which is also known by the abbreviations dMMR or MMR-D. Testing tumors for mismatch repair deficiency or MSI-High can be important, because these tumors are more likely to respond to immunotherapyagents known as immune checkpoint inhibitors.
People with an MLH1 mutation may qualify for clinical trials looking for more effective treatments for cancer. Keytruda (pembrolizumab) is an immune checkpoint inhibitor used to treat metastatic or advanced colorectal cancer.
(https://www.facingourrisk.org/info/hereditary-cancer-and-genetic-testing/hereditary-cancer-genes-and-risk/genes-by-name/mlh1/cancer-treatment# )
For the first time, Keytruda® (pembrolizumab) will have its listing extended on the PBS to include the treatment of unresectable or metastatic mismatch repair deficient colorectal cancer.
This is the first immunotherapy treatment available to Australians with this type of cancer, which cannot be removed by surgery or has spread to an area outside the colon/rectum.
Keytruda® belongs to a new class of immunotherapy medicines that help the body’s own immune system to detect and fight cancer cells. The drug is already available on the PBS for other types of cancer, including lung cancer and melanoma.
https://www.health.gov.au/ministers/the-hon-greg-hunt-mp/media/landmark-pbs-listing-for-australians-with-bowel-cancer#:~:text=For%20the%20first%20time%2C%20Keytruda,mismatch%20repair%20deficient%20colorectal%20cancer.
A new health report from consumers reveals over 80,000 Australians, at increased risk of developing one or more often-aggressive primary cancers in their lifetime, don’t actually know that they’re at risk from a hereditary cancer gene.
Lynch Syndrome Australia Founding Director, Ms Beth Fairbank said only 5% of Australians with Lynch syndrome have been diagnosed.
“It’s imperative that people with the gene are diagnosed early in order to increase cancer prevention and early detection.
For a person with the gene, they have a 70% chance of developing a Lynch syndrome-related cancer (including bowel, endometrium, pancreas, stomach, breast, prostate, kidney and skin cancer),” said Ms Beth Fairbank, Lynch Syndrome Australia Founding Director.
https://lynchsyndrome.org.au/australias-untold-health-story-lynch-syndrome-media-release/
This path has so many casualties. There are depths of self you have to dive into to find strength, hope and healing that only comes with a cancer diagnosis. I am refining what is important and who I want to spend my time with. I am relearning not to set expectations around those that show up and those that don’t. I am having to find forgiveness for things that I thought I had already forgiven and letting go of people, situations and emotions that I thought I had already released. The cycle has come back around and its time to lean back into the dis-ease so I can peel off another layer and clean house, yet again. This ascension stuff is hard work and I can only say that a cancer free body and true enlightenment will be the ultimate outcome from this experience.
Michelle xx
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jun 2, 2020 | Life Lessons
Getting To Know Your Inner Drunk Girl
Have you ever had a bad experience that hits you right in the heart? Of course you have, we all have. By my own admission I am an extremely sensitive soul. I will own my mistakes and have no issues apologising for any wrongdoings. However, being at the blunt end of someone’s emotional outburst leaves me quite upset and perplexed. Much like anyone I suppose. Another reason why I was never good at working in retail. Sometimes you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and you are the closest target for somebody’s aggression.
If negative emotions start to rise due to a situation it can be very easy to react with defensive behaviour. If you are anything like me, shock is normally my first response. I cocoon myself with like-minded people, so this rarely occurs. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times this has happened in the last year. But when it does, it takes me completely off guard and I feel thrown off my axis. Not just a little, I’m taking about all consuming thought process that take me down a spiraling pathway of traumatic experiences. I understand why they are coming up now and I am taking them as an opportunity to finally release them and let them go.
Being locked up in isolation for the last few months has not assisted with some people’s emotional intelligence, tolerance and showing a little kindness, let alone staying professional. In fact, for some it has brought out the worst in them.
I have created a folder in my brain for some of these very people. It’s called ‘Arseholes’. This is where I put those nasty and unwanted perpetrators. These people have not two but three sphincters, yes, we have two at the anus (I am both funny and educational). Their lack of empathy or narcissistic privilege belongs in that little box surrounded by an imaginary electric fence with a big neon KEEP OUT sign. It’s a small but necessary folder. I acknowledge its existence, but I also understand that it is a very small portion of my life.
So how do you find something good out of a bad experience? The most important but painful part of this process is to experience the emotions. Yep, you heard me right ALL of them. Feel that pain, anger, hurt, shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment, frustration and all the rest of those nasties. Feel the full impact of the emotions created by the situation. Feel through each and everyone of them, take days or weeks if you have to. Become the observer of your own thoughts as they start to overlap like the tide and bring up the past and seemingly unassociated situations. Kind of like that drunk girl in the toilets who starts bringing up every single bad thing that has ever happened in her entire life. Be the kind sober friend to yourself as your inner drunk girl starts her verbal vomit.
Most of us have no patience for our inner drunk girl so we may start this process of ‘feeling’ and instead of seeing it out to the other side we shut ourselves down or we begin to lose clarity. We find ourselves stuck in an emotional loop where we head down paths of unresolved emotional experiences. By this time, our inner drunk girl has numbed her pain and is back on the dance floor or she has passed out in the corner somewhere. I get it, I did it for years and guess where it got me….SICK, like am I going to live or die sick. As Caroline Myss, one of my favourite spiritual teachers said in her book “Creation of Health”, our life history and experiences, become intertwined with the cells of our physical body. ‘Your emotions reside physically in your body and interact with your cells and tissues, our biography becomes our biology.’
Every time that inner drunk girl starts, and we shut her down we are holding negative emotions within the cells of our body. Does that hurt the person who created the emotional reaction in you? Absolutely not, but it can have detrimental effects on you. If we just allow ourselves to ‘feel’ into an experience you can find the light at the other side. By ignoring or blocking negative emotions you are doing a disservice to your own health and your own personal growth. With thoughts come emotions and with emotions come feelings. If you get the formula right then those feelings can open to lessons, growth and opportunities.
Let me take you on a journey. Yep the J word! No one likes emotional pain, unless you are the narcissist inflicting it. The minute you get upset, angry or feel like reacting like a three-year-old who can’t put lollies into a shopping cart, people want to shut us down. Ever noticed that? We cry and instead of holding space for us people want to automatically calm and comfort us with tissues and a cup of tea. I am not saying that it is okay to display random acts of violence or to hit out at people because we need a sales assistant to abuse because of our frustrations. But when we feel intense emotional reactions to situations, we need to think of the sober friend holding space for our inner drunk girl. Here are some techniques you can use to support your inner drunk girl.
Firstly give her some room to vent. Allow her to talk through all her problems. Let her cry, let her get angry, let her bring up the past. By simply listening to her and writing things down and giving her time you can start to unravel the big ball of complexity we call emotions. You would be surprised how many times she answers her own questions if you truly hear what she is saying. The next step is to separate the emotions and the feelings. This is the tricky bit and the most common place when we let our inner drunk girl back on the dance floor because things can start to feel overwhelming. Note: You are under no obligation as the sober friend to solve all your inner drunk girl problems at once. You have an entire lifetime (and then some) to unravel and its not all going to happen over one bottle of Merlot.
Usually a big emotional reaction will occur over an accumulation of events. The one that triggers the biggest reaction is not necessarily the worst event. It could be quite a small situation that brings up an over-reactionary response. You see every time you send your inner drunk girl back out onto the dance floor because you can’t ‘deal with her’, she holds onto all your stuff. A few bits might drop off as she stumbles her way back through the crowded bar but most of it is still hanging off her. The next time she is triggered by a situation she has all that baggage accumulated from the time before, and the time before that, and the time before that. If emotions are not worked through, then we can start to build walls that end up feeling like mountains. We can become resentful, bitter, closed off, unfeeling and worse of all, sick. We don’t allow ourselves to be open to new experiences because we become so stuck in believing they will cause us pain, distress or hurt. Here’s a News Flash, that doesn’t stop ‘life’ from happening. It is our ability to put things into perspective that gets screwed up. It always has to come back to YOU.
Have you ever met two people that have experienced the same situation, yet their responses were completely opposite? Meet Kylie and Karen. Both ladies had a rather unpleasant conversation with a Printing Company. The salesman acted and spoke in a very unprofessional manner when they decided to take their business elsewhere. Kylie spent a day with her inner drunk girl and has processed through her emotions. At the end of the day Kylie can see that even though it was an unpleasant encounter, this situation was a good thing because she wanted to align her future business dealings with the right people. Clearly these were not the right people. Karen on the other hand does not like to be spoken to in a rude manner. She feels totally disrespected and never got to have her say because the call was ended rather abruptly. Karen is infuriated with the company and spends the day writing them an email about how unhappy she is and bitching to anyone and everyone that will listen. She gets so side-tracked with feelings of rejection and righteousness that she does not want to deal with another printing company ever again. Karen gives up in anger, lets her inner drunk girl go back onto the dance floor and self-sabotage’s her dream of self-publishing her first book.
Karen’s reaction may seem extreme but is very normal and more common than what you think. Under all of Karen’s anger is a fear of failure. What if her book is a massive flop? What if people laugh at her? What if she isn’t good enough? What if no one buys her book? Could she cope with the rejection? What if she is successful? Does she fear success? What if people think she’s a fake? Karen’s inner drunk girl was triggered by one small conversion. She was trying to tell Karen to face all those things that she feared but instead she misdirected her anger as a means to shift the responsibility away from herself by projecting that feeling onto someone else. Remember every experience can teach us if we look for the lesson.
So next time you are confronted by a situation that brings up some unpleasant feelings sit with your inner drunk girl and really get to know her. If you take the time to listen you will find a deeper level of understanding within yourself. You will start to unravel why you do what you do. When you become aware of the ‘Whys’ you have something to work with and that’s how we open to new opportunities and experiences.
Remember THOUGHTS = EMOTIONS = FEELINGS = EXPANSION = OPPORTUNITIES
Photo Credit: Justin Aikin | Unsplash
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Mar 25, 2015 | Life Lessons
My personality traits tend to include over-sharing There has been numerous occasions when a little over-sharing has landed me into some warm steamy poop! I can’t help it if I’m the one that points out the elephant in the room. My sense of humor and quick witted sarcasm usually has undertones of truth all over it! So in my caring over sharing way here’s how to recognize those toxic people in your life and how to get rid of them!
No Integrity – People who think it’s okay to treat you badly because they believe there are no consequences for their actions. These people have a complete lack of perception about how what they say, or do, effect other people. If they are aware, then they just don’t give a fat rats and probably fit in the narcissistic personality disorder category. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
Michelle’s over-sharing critique These people are bought into our life to teach us what NOT to accept. If their jealously, bitterness, insecurities or just plain nastiness doesn’t have you running for the door, then RUN FORREST RUN. You do not need these people in your life. You are only there to make them feel better about themselves, not the other way around.
Non Sharers – People who wont tell you where they bought that pretty scarf, give you a copy of a family recipe to chocolate brownies, how they managed a 5 star holiday on a 2 star budget, share business contacts bla bla bla and the list goes on.
Michelle’s over-sharing critique These types of people tend to ask lots of questions and have no problems asking you for information, while their minds are constantly ticking away with their own agendas. They typically change the subject, dodge answering direct questions or give vague responses. ‘I bought it somewhere in the city I think, I can’t remember now’. They can be private, thrifty, people who seem to succeed ALOT. They go on their overseas holiday every other year but won’t share the deals, websites or travel agencies they used. After all, who wouldn’t like to plan a decent family holiday on a budget? I don’t understand these people (that’s because I’m an over-sharer). Maybe they feel they have invested so much time and energy planning this for themselves that they have little desire to share the abundance with others. These people are here to teach us what we don’t want in relationships. A friendship, relationship or partnership is about giving and receiving. There needs to be an equal exchange of energy or it upsets the balance. Stop giving and see what happens. I bet you find the relationship just slips away never to be seen again.
Facebook Stalkers – They never ‘like’ anything. They never comment. They never post, but they raise their ugly stalker heads if they accidentally drop something in conversation and you’re like ‘WTF? How did you know?’ (oh that’s right we’re FB friends). Sometimes they don’t even use their own accounts to do it! “OMG” I hear you say. I know, unbelievable isn’t it! They seem to know everything about you but you know very little if anything about whats going on in their life. They collate information like mini computers and some even use you to start gossip and create drama in your life (gasp). These FB stalkers also THINK they know you. FYI – No you don’t FB Stalkers, you see what I choose to share THAT IS ALL!
Michelle’s over-sharing critique Sometimes these people also fit in the NON SHARER category. I know, scary to think they have a foot in both camps. These people are here to teach us how to use Facebook! RESTRICTED ACCESS PEOPLE. PUBLIC posts limit what you share with these types of people. Understandably sometimes you may use restricted status because you don’t want people at work or school encroaching into your personal life, other times its to just keep the busy bodies out! There is also a DE-FRIEND button. Don’t be afraid to use it.
Last but not least
Boundary breeches – Moochers also fit under this category (Someone who always asks for things and favors constantly and will never leave you alone. They will ask for money, rides to places, for you to do simple tasks they could do easily but they think the whole world should cater to them, basically just a leech to everyone around them, a parasite to the community) . Warning – also watch out for the Non sharers and the No Integrity people. These people feel they have a sense of entitlement, take no personal responsibility for their choices or have no boundaries themselves. All these types of people will encroach on your life taking advantage of your generous giving nature. Sadly they are usually close friends and family who make the most of putting you in extremely uncomfortable situations where you may feel awkward or embarrassed to have to stand your ground and say NO! Just like that overseas relative who was supposed to crash on your couch for a couple of weeks and is still there three months later.
Michelle’s over-sharing critique The takers will continue to take as long as the givers keep on giving. STOP DOING IT! You will be surprised at how the dynamics of this type of relationship will change when you do. The Boundary Breeches may just be No Integrity, Narcissistic Personality Disorder types in ‘sheep’s’ clothing.
Do yourself a favor and start to eliminate these toxic people from your life. Take yourself off the SALE shelf and put up the price tag. You and your time are worth so more, so give it to those that truly value you.
