by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jun 2, 2020 | Life Lessons
Getting To Know Your Inner Drunk Girl
Have you ever had a bad experience that hits you right in the heart? Of course you have, we all have. By my own admission I am an extremely sensitive soul. I will own my mistakes and have no issues apologising for any wrongdoings. However, being at the blunt end of someone’s emotional outburst leaves me quite upset and perplexed. Much like anyone I suppose. Another reason why I was never good at working in retail. Sometimes you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and you are the closest target for somebody’s aggression.
If negative emotions start to rise due to a situation it can be very easy to react with defensive behaviour. If you are anything like me, shock is normally my first response. I cocoon myself with like-minded people, so this rarely occurs. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times this has happened in the last year. But when it does, it takes me completely off guard and I feel thrown off my axis. Not just a little, I’m taking about all consuming thought process that take me down a spiraling pathway of traumatic experiences. I understand why they are coming up now and I am taking them as an opportunity to finally release them and let them go.
Being locked up in isolation for the last few months has not assisted with some people’s emotional intelligence, tolerance and showing a little kindness, let alone staying professional. In fact, for some it has brought out the worst in them.
I have created a folder in my brain for some of these very people. It’s called ‘Arseholes’. This is where I put those nasty and unwanted perpetrators. These people have not two but three sphincters, yes, we have two at the anus (I am both funny and educational). Their lack of empathy or narcissistic privilege belongs in that little box surrounded by an imaginary electric fence with a big neon KEEP OUT sign. It’s a small but necessary folder. I acknowledge its existence, but I also understand that it is a very small portion of my life.
So how do you find something good out of a bad experience? The most important but painful part of this process is to experience the emotions. Yep, you heard me right ALL of them. Feel that pain, anger, hurt, shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment, frustration and all the rest of those nasties. Feel the full impact of the emotions created by the situation. Feel through each and everyone of them, take days or weeks if you have to. Become the observer of your own thoughts as they start to overlap like the tide and bring up the past and seemingly unassociated situations. Kind of like that drunk girl in the toilets who starts bringing up every single bad thing that has ever happened in her entire life. Be the kind sober friend to yourself as your inner drunk girl starts her verbal vomit.
Most of us have no patience for our inner drunk girl so we may start this process of ‘feeling’ and instead of seeing it out to the other side we shut ourselves down or we begin to lose clarity. We find ourselves stuck in an emotional loop where we head down paths of unresolved emotional experiences. By this time, our inner drunk girl has numbed her pain and is back on the dance floor or she has passed out in the corner somewhere. I get it, I did it for years and guess where it got me….SICK, like am I going to live or die sick. As Caroline Myss, one of my favourite spiritual teachers said in her book “Creation of Health”, our life history and experiences, become intertwined with the cells of our physical body. ‘Your emotions reside physically in your body and interact with your cells and tissues, our biography becomes our biology.’
Every time that inner drunk girl starts, and we shut her down we are holding negative emotions within the cells of our body. Does that hurt the person who created the emotional reaction in you? Absolutely not, but it can have detrimental effects on you. If we just allow ourselves to ‘feel’ into an experience you can find the light at the other side. By ignoring or blocking negative emotions you are doing a disservice to your own health and your own personal growth. With thoughts come emotions and with emotions come feelings. If you get the formula right then those feelings can open to lessons, growth and opportunities.
Let me take you on a journey. Yep the J word! No one likes emotional pain, unless you are the narcissist inflicting it. The minute you get upset, angry or feel like reacting like a three-year-old who can’t put lollies into a shopping cart, people want to shut us down. Ever noticed that? We cry and instead of holding space for us people want to automatically calm and comfort us with tissues and a cup of tea. I am not saying that it is okay to display random acts of violence or to hit out at people because we need a sales assistant to abuse because of our frustrations. But when we feel intense emotional reactions to situations, we need to think of the sober friend holding space for our inner drunk girl. Here are some techniques you can use to support your inner drunk girl.
Firstly give her some room to vent. Allow her to talk through all her problems. Let her cry, let her get angry, let her bring up the past. By simply listening to her and writing things down and giving her time you can start to unravel the big ball of complexity we call emotions. You would be surprised how many times she answers her own questions if you truly hear what she is saying. The next step is to separate the emotions and the feelings. This is the tricky bit and the most common place when we let our inner drunk girl back on the dance floor because things can start to feel overwhelming. Note: You are under no obligation as the sober friend to solve all your inner drunk girl problems at once. You have an entire lifetime (and then some) to unravel and its not all going to happen over one bottle of Merlot.
Usually a big emotional reaction will occur over an accumulation of events. The one that triggers the biggest reaction is not necessarily the worst event. It could be quite a small situation that brings up an over-reactionary response. You see every time you send your inner drunk girl back out onto the dance floor because you can’t ‘deal with her’, she holds onto all your stuff. A few bits might drop off as she stumbles her way back through the crowded bar but most of it is still hanging off her. The next time she is triggered by a situation she has all that baggage accumulated from the time before, and the time before that, and the time before that. If emotions are not worked through, then we can start to build walls that end up feeling like mountains. We can become resentful, bitter, closed off, unfeeling and worse of all, sick. We don’t allow ourselves to be open to new experiences because we become so stuck in believing they will cause us pain, distress or hurt. Here’s a News Flash, that doesn’t stop ‘life’ from happening. It is our ability to put things into perspective that gets screwed up. It always has to come back to YOU.
Have you ever met two people that have experienced the same situation, yet their responses were completely opposite? Meet Kylie and Karen. Both ladies had a rather unpleasant conversation with a Printing Company. The salesman acted and spoke in a very unprofessional manner when they decided to take their business elsewhere. Kylie spent a day with her inner drunk girl and has processed through her emotions. At the end of the day Kylie can see that even though it was an unpleasant encounter, this situation was a good thing because she wanted to align her future business dealings with the right people. Clearly these were not the right people. Karen on the other hand does not like to be spoken to in a rude manner. She feels totally disrespected and never got to have her say because the call was ended rather abruptly. Karen is infuriated with the company and spends the day writing them an email about how unhappy she is and bitching to anyone and everyone that will listen. She gets so side-tracked with feelings of rejection and righteousness that she does not want to deal with another printing company ever again. Karen gives up in anger, lets her inner drunk girl go back onto the dance floor and self-sabotage’s her dream of self-publishing her first book.
Karen’s reaction may seem extreme but is very normal and more common than what you think. Under all of Karen’s anger is a fear of failure. What if her book is a massive flop? What if people laugh at her? What if she isn’t good enough? What if no one buys her book? Could she cope with the rejection? What if she is successful? Does she fear success? What if people think she’s a fake? Karen’s inner drunk girl was triggered by one small conversion. She was trying to tell Karen to face all those things that she feared but instead she misdirected her anger as a means to shift the responsibility away from herself by projecting that feeling onto someone else. Remember every experience can teach us if we look for the lesson.
So next time you are confronted by a situation that brings up some unpleasant feelings sit with your inner drunk girl and really get to know her. If you take the time to listen you will find a deeper level of understanding within yourself. You will start to unravel why you do what you do. When you become aware of the ‘Whys’ you have something to work with and that’s how we open to new opportunities and experiences.
Remember THOUGHTS = EMOTIONS = FEELINGS = EXPANSION = OPPORTUNITIES
Photo Credit: Justin Aikin | Unsplash
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jan 23, 2020 | Life Lessons
The Ever Evolving Artist
I asked a musician friend of mine how does he feel when he is asked to keep going back and playing old songs? It was something that no one had asked him before. After a little thought his reply was that it was difficult. So how do you keep giving the fans what they want, but you are constantly evolving?
I feel the same way as a visual artist. Someone said to me that they preferred the abstract acrylics I used to do. It took all of my facial muscles to prevent my eyes from rolling back in my head. I watch other artists that pump out the same work for years and years. There is only so many paintings of naked people swimming underwater I can admire before I unfollow someone.
These artists may have found their niche and perhaps they are very successful with their style but personally I find variety is the spice of life. As an artist I would loose my passion very quickly if the expectations from the public was to continue pushing out the same stuff day in and day out. I am not saying that art doesn’t come from a place of inspiration for these repeat offenders but somehow when it becomes a production line of ‘same thing different painting’ surely some passion and heart is lost.
The most amazing thing about creating is having the ability to paint the same subject in different mediums and getting very different results. When I allow my intuitive nature to flow into any project then it has no choice but to evolve. Sure, I have a run of things and then I move onto something else. Some may call it self sabotage, as it may appear that a project is becoming successful and I stop doing it. That I am always going to be the struggling artist if I constantly move the goal posts and confuse my admiring followers.
Here’s the thing. I always go back to most projects but when I do it’s with fresh eyes. I want to learn and expand and create with ever fiber of my being. When you reach the peak of your current skill set or have a create block, don’t stop there. Even the most beautiful pond will go stagnant without running water. You have to keep the flow going and the way I do that is to try something new or to revisit something old with new knowledge.
Diversity is the key to keeping my life force flowing. I recently read a blog about creatives which mentioned something extremely important ‘You don’t have to monetize your joy.’ My art room is literally exploding with ideas that I have not felt ready to or have not wanted to share with the world.
Heading back into a full time job or pumping out pet portraits would definitely ease the financial burdens I place on our family. However if I did that then a part of me would die and that scares me more than having no money. Anyone who has ever been through a traumatic experience knows that life takes on a very different perspective afterwards. Sure, things would be very different with a decent amount of cash in my bank account but would I have pushed my creative limitations if there was? Truthfully, probably not.
I love the ever evolving artist, she surprises me everyday. I get excited about whats next and wake up in the mornings with an indescribable joy in my heart. What part of my soul will awaken today bringing in higher levels of consciousness and inspiration. The unknown used to scare me, now I feel a growing excitement for change.
Art means different things to different people. I choose to heal, expand and challenge myself through creative expression. Being in the space I find myself now, I appreciate the opportunities that have made me do the soul work. Made me get uncomfortable and made me search for a deeper understanding of self. Over the last nine years I have integrated this into every cell in my body and continue to do so. When that big opportunity knocks, and I never doubt that it will, it will not change the core of who I have become and it definitely will not stop the person I am meant to be.
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | May 6, 2019 | Life Lessons
What if we could see our true selves? An unfiltered reflection of this reality. An honest glimpse of our archetypal natures and an opportunity to look past our own ego and see into the maps of our soul. What if we had another physical version of ourselves to show us the way. Someone to hold our hand through hard times, delight in our achievements and encourage us when we need some motivation. A twin compass that can give us guidance and assist us in seeking what it is we have agreed to fulfill in this chapter of our souls’ learning.
On my personal journey using many healing modalities, courses, teachers and self-help books, I have heard time and time again that we already hold the answers to our own questions. That we already possess all the tools to be able to do our own inner work, but what does that mean exactly? Have you ever heard the saying “Take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror?” If we really want to grow, then we have to be prepared to embrace all aspects of ourselves and learn from them which means accepting and working with our Shadow.
Our Shadow aspect is one of our greatest learning tools and working with it, rather than against it brings an enormous amount of growth and insight. When life throws uncertainty or unpleasant situations our way it also gives us opportunities for personal growth and development. I am not suggesting you must suffer from adversity to learn, but the Universe certainly has a way of getting our attention if we continue to ignore the lessons.
The truth is confronting and can often show us that we need to implement change. As creatures of habit, often even the thought of consciously moving ourselves into discomfort is enough to stop us from doing so. Because of this we get stuck in a type of patterning loop. This loop of illusion can integrate itself so much into your psyche that it starts to form into your belief patterns. This is working against your Shadow which can lead to destructive and self-sabotaging behavior, stagnation and dis-ease. It can be deceptively subtle, so much so that sometimes nothing short of a major life trauma can shift your perception of reality.
When we ignore or fail to listen to the answers from our Shadow aspect then we are denying access to the part of ourselves that want us to grow. Our inner work starts and stops with how much we are prepared to hear, transform and integrate into our lives. Our Shadow is not something to be suppressed, hidden or to be treated like the enemy. It can be our biggest ally. Our best decisions are made when we have clarity of thought. For this we need to come from a space of love and non-judgement of ourselves. All of ourselves – not just the good bits!
Stand and take an honest look in the mirror. Are you ready to access those tools you already possess? Do you want to dive deep into your inner world to discover the answers that await you? The vessel that stands reflecting back at you, he/she is the one you are looking for.
Michelle Potter
Michelle Potter Visionary Artist
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Dec 2, 2014 | Cancer, Life Lessons, Stomach Cancer
Truthfully, people say this alot and I’m not just saying it. If you can pull through a very serious illness and inspire others by walking the talk then I am very humbled by the complement. The life I choose to live is a healthy, proactive, productive and positive one and when I walk out into the world this is the face I would hope most people see.
However, with every ray of light there is a shadow and that is also what I have had to accept and to learn to live with with eveyday. Having gone through the physical, emotional and financial experience of cancer it is not uncommon for people to come and ask for my help. I would average at least one person a month either asking me to call their friend or requesting my number “to give to such and such’. I am a loving, caring person but in all honesty I simply cant. Not just for my own health and well-being but I am not a professional counselor. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the importance of being able to connect to someone when you are going through a tough emotional time or not coping with prescribed treatment, but there are structures within society that will assist those that need it.
Just like most of us, it takes me all my own energy to get through each and everyday and I would hope people understand that one can only extend themselves so far. For me life has always got to be about boundaries and balance. It is actually a critical part of my life now and I don’t expect people to understand unless they have lived through this surgery and have the looming threat of cancer over their heads. I discovered through my journey I have a genetic disorder called Lynch Syndrome. In a nutshell I have a faulty cancer protective gene which is in each and every cell of my body. This means I am far more likely to develop one or more cancers throughout my lifetime as this is the more dominant gene in the cell. So, you see I live with the threat of disease everyday of my life. As proactive and as positive as I am nothing helps the anxiety leading up to quarterly blood tests,yearly scans and intrusive procedures. I will never be ‘over’ cancer, this is something my human side has to deal with for the rest of my life, period
I wanted to give back to society after my illness so I put a structure in place to be able to do that. I created a Support Group on Facebook called https://www.facebook.com/SupportGroupForPartialTotalGastrectomyPatients for people who live with partial or no stomach. Along with four other administrators (all stomachless) I am able to help people on a daily basis just by living my life and sharing personal experiences and information. I do not extend myself further than that unless someone locally with stomach cancer comes through the No Stomach for Cancer website (http://www.nostomachforcancer.org) , my GP, my surgeon or my oncologist. For my own sanity and to stay out of the depths of other peoples despair this is just one boundary I am constantly having to uphold.
As well as being extremely lucky, I am also not your average type of girl. I am committed to do the work on myself to evolve. I believe anything is possible and I want to express myself and inspire people through my artwork and hopefully light a few internal flames in those who are searching for more than this human experience, I have committed myself in spiritual meditation classes for over five years and I’ve had to do alot of self healing and releasing during that time. The more I define myself the clearer the decisions and choices I have to make. This includes finding that cold compassion with people and being able to detach from those who are no longer a reflection of me, no matter how long they have been a part of my life. Letting go of the past is incredibly difficult and emotionally hard, but for those committed on this journey of higher consciousness there is no room for illusion just the truth. It takes a lot of hard work spiritually, emotionally and physically to ‘ Look Great’. So when someone pays me this complement, I know I’ve earned it!
