by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jun 2, 2020 | Life Lessons
Getting To Know Your Inner Drunk Girl
Have you ever had a bad experience that hits you right in the heart? Of course you have, we all have. By my own admission I am an extremely sensitive soul. I will own my mistakes and have no issues apologising for any wrongdoings. However, being at the blunt end of someone’s emotional outburst leaves me quite upset and perplexed. Much like anyone I suppose. Another reason why I was never good at working in retail. Sometimes you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and you are the closest target for somebody’s aggression.
If negative emotions start to rise due to a situation it can be very easy to react with defensive behaviour. If you are anything like me, shock is normally my first response. I cocoon myself with like-minded people, so this rarely occurs. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times this has happened in the last year. But when it does, it takes me completely off guard and I feel thrown off my axis. Not just a little, I’m taking about all consuming thought process that take me down a spiraling pathway of traumatic experiences. I understand why they are coming up now and I am taking them as an opportunity to finally release them and let them go.
Being locked up in isolation for the last few months has not assisted with some people’s emotional intelligence, tolerance and showing a little kindness, let alone staying professional. In fact, for some it has brought out the worst in them.
I have created a folder in my brain for some of these very people. It’s called ‘Arseholes’. This is where I put those nasty and unwanted perpetrators. These people have not two but three sphincters, yes, we have two at the anus (I am both funny and educational). Their lack of empathy or narcissistic privilege belongs in that little box surrounded by an imaginary electric fence with a big neon KEEP OUT sign. It’s a small but necessary folder. I acknowledge its existence, but I also understand that it is a very small portion of my life.
So how do you find something good out of a bad experience? The most important but painful part of this process is to experience the emotions. Yep, you heard me right ALL of them. Feel that pain, anger, hurt, shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment, frustration and all the rest of those nasties. Feel the full impact of the emotions created by the situation. Feel through each and everyone of them, take days or weeks if you have to. Become the observer of your own thoughts as they start to overlap like the tide and bring up the past and seemingly unassociated situations. Kind of like that drunk girl in the toilets who starts bringing up every single bad thing that has ever happened in her entire life. Be the kind sober friend to yourself as your inner drunk girl starts her verbal vomit.
Most of us have no patience for our inner drunk girl so we may start this process of ‘feeling’ and instead of seeing it out to the other side we shut ourselves down or we begin to lose clarity. We find ourselves stuck in an emotional loop where we head down paths of unresolved emotional experiences. By this time, our inner drunk girl has numbed her pain and is back on the dance floor or she has passed out in the corner somewhere. I get it, I did it for years and guess where it got me….SICK, like am I going to live or die sick. As Caroline Myss, one of my favourite spiritual teachers said in her book “Creation of Health”, our life history and experiences, become intertwined with the cells of our physical body. ‘Your emotions reside physically in your body and interact with your cells and tissues, our biography becomes our biology.’
Every time that inner drunk girl starts, and we shut her down we are holding negative emotions within the cells of our body. Does that hurt the person who created the emotional reaction in you? Absolutely not, but it can have detrimental effects on you. If we just allow ourselves to ‘feel’ into an experience you can find the light at the other side. By ignoring or blocking negative emotions you are doing a disservice to your own health and your own personal growth. With thoughts come emotions and with emotions come feelings. If you get the formula right then those feelings can open to lessons, growth and opportunities.
Let me take you on a journey. Yep the J word! No one likes emotional pain, unless you are the narcissist inflicting it. The minute you get upset, angry or feel like reacting like a three-year-old who can’t put lollies into a shopping cart, people want to shut us down. Ever noticed that? We cry and instead of holding space for us people want to automatically calm and comfort us with tissues and a cup of tea. I am not saying that it is okay to display random acts of violence or to hit out at people because we need a sales assistant to abuse because of our frustrations. But when we feel intense emotional reactions to situations, we need to think of the sober friend holding space for our inner drunk girl. Here are some techniques you can use to support your inner drunk girl.
Firstly give her some room to vent. Allow her to talk through all her problems. Let her cry, let her get angry, let her bring up the past. By simply listening to her and writing things down and giving her time you can start to unravel the big ball of complexity we call emotions. You would be surprised how many times she answers her own questions if you truly hear what she is saying. The next step is to separate the emotions and the feelings. This is the tricky bit and the most common place when we let our inner drunk girl back on the dance floor because things can start to feel overwhelming. Note: You are under no obligation as the sober friend to solve all your inner drunk girl problems at once. You have an entire lifetime (and then some) to unravel and its not all going to happen over one bottle of Merlot.
Usually a big emotional reaction will occur over an accumulation of events. The one that triggers the biggest reaction is not necessarily the worst event. It could be quite a small situation that brings up an over-reactionary response. You see every time you send your inner drunk girl back out onto the dance floor because you can’t ‘deal with her’, she holds onto all your stuff. A few bits might drop off as she stumbles her way back through the crowded bar but most of it is still hanging off her. The next time she is triggered by a situation she has all that baggage accumulated from the time before, and the time before that, and the time before that. If emotions are not worked through, then we can start to build walls that end up feeling like mountains. We can become resentful, bitter, closed off, unfeeling and worse of all, sick. We don’t allow ourselves to be open to new experiences because we become so stuck in believing they will cause us pain, distress or hurt. Here’s a News Flash, that doesn’t stop ‘life’ from happening. It is our ability to put things into perspective that gets screwed up. It always has to come back to YOU.
Have you ever met two people that have experienced the same situation, yet their responses were completely opposite? Meet Kylie and Karen. Both ladies had a rather unpleasant conversation with a Printing Company. The salesman acted and spoke in a very unprofessional manner when they decided to take their business elsewhere. Kylie spent a day with her inner drunk girl and has processed through her emotions. At the end of the day Kylie can see that even though it was an unpleasant encounter, this situation was a good thing because she wanted to align her future business dealings with the right people. Clearly these were not the right people. Karen on the other hand does not like to be spoken to in a rude manner. She feels totally disrespected and never got to have her say because the call was ended rather abruptly. Karen is infuriated with the company and spends the day writing them an email about how unhappy she is and bitching to anyone and everyone that will listen. She gets so side-tracked with feelings of rejection and righteousness that she does not want to deal with another printing company ever again. Karen gives up in anger, lets her inner drunk girl go back onto the dance floor and self-sabotage’s her dream of self-publishing her first book.
Karen’s reaction may seem extreme but is very normal and more common than what you think. Under all of Karen’s anger is a fear of failure. What if her book is a massive flop? What if people laugh at her? What if she isn’t good enough? What if no one buys her book? Could she cope with the rejection? What if she is successful? Does she fear success? What if people think she’s a fake? Karen’s inner drunk girl was triggered by one small conversion. She was trying to tell Karen to face all those things that she feared but instead she misdirected her anger as a means to shift the responsibility away from herself by projecting that feeling onto someone else. Remember every experience can teach us if we look for the lesson.
So next time you are confronted by a situation that brings up some unpleasant feelings sit with your inner drunk girl and really get to know her. If you take the time to listen you will find a deeper level of understanding within yourself. You will start to unravel why you do what you do. When you become aware of the ‘Whys’ you have something to work with and that’s how we open to new opportunities and experiences.
Remember THOUGHTS = EMOTIONS = FEELINGS = EXPANSION = OPPORTUNITIES
Photo Credit: Justin Aikin | Unsplash
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | Jul 3, 2019 | Cancer, Life Lessons, Stomach Cancer
Fifteen years ago I became a mum. I left the workforce and became a full time stay at home parent. Still wanting to keep my mind active I studied to become a swimming teacher but ended up paying more out in childcare fees than my actual wage. When my second baby arrived I decided to put my work life on hold until he was a little more independent. That was 11 years ago. When my youngest was heading off to four year old kindergarten I thought great, now I can get back into work and start contributing to the household finances, then I was diagnosed with cancer. That was 7 years ago.
Over the last seven years I have worked a casual job which ended rather abruptly after I had a dumping episode. Unfortunately a side effect of living without a stomach and a boss who was not willing to compromise. I’ve also done contract work but the pay and the hour and 20 minute round trip wasn’t even covering my petrol. Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of pluses. I get to stay at home, attend children’s events at school, dont have to compromise my boss if any of the kids are home sick, volunteer my time to the school community, eat when I want, rest when I want, go out when I want and work on my art portfolio. Its like being on one big holiday only there is no sightseeing or spending money and you have to motivate yourself to get out of bed every single day.
Sacrificing all the things that come with working full time and being able to up skill in the creative sense has been the most selfish and fulfilling part of being at home. Launching a website and Page on Facebook, doing commissioned art pieces for people all over the world. Pushing myself on a daily basis to be better, to be more visible, to extend my experiences into meditation classes, art classes, craft workshops. Advertising, daily posts, sticking flyers up around local shops. Expand, expand, expand, doing what I love in the hope that I can not only help others but give my family the financial freedom we so desire. Here I am nearly eight years down the track and I feel like a bit of a failure. I am so tired. So tired of trying to balance my health, my family, my support page and my business. So tired of feeling guilty for not being able to financially contribute to the family income, so tired of feeling I am not where I thought I would be. Watching others around me so motivated, meditating daily for blasts of inspiring feel good posts, feeling into the rhythm of the universe and working with the cycles of the moon, bla bla bla, plastering positivity all over their social media, watching friends who have their shit together and feeling I could be doing more, I should be doing more, I need to be seeing and being more. But I can’t because I am SO TIRED of trying and failing. Seriously, there are only so many times you can pick yourself up before you have to stop and reevaluate your entire life and the current direction you are facing. And now a quiet pause…….
“Hey Spirit, here is your opportunity to send that big bolt of
lightening I have been waiting for.”
I can understand why so many amazing Artists simply give up trying to make a living from their Art. I really wanted to be the exception. After all I am a walking miracle and by all accounts I shouldn’t be alive right now. Should’nt that mean something? Didn’t God let me live so that I could see out a much greater purpose? I thought I’d been grasping life by the big kahunas to create the successful abundant life I deserve, but I haven’t succeeded and being granted a second chance at life doesn’t make me special, it just makes me extremely lucky. My life holds no more value than anyone else’s. My experiences certainly make me look at life with a different perspective and I always look for every possibility. If I didn’t I could possibly be the most miserable person on the planet. Here’s a depiction of me looking miserable with a pair of useless big kahunas.
Is there a part of me that has had a sense of entitlement that because I survived that makes me somehow special? Reality check …… I think there might have been. My shadow just got a big slap in face and knows this is a complete fabrication to cover up any insecurities and fear around lack and acceptance. Getting through cancer doesn’t make me special, it makes me a liability. Lets face it letting a few organs go is going to compromise a lot of things and those that say it was a small price to pay to survive, well lets just say that comment is not helpful. They have absolutely no comprehension what price I have had to pay and continue to pay for everyday of my life. I simply do not have the capacity to work full time anymore. I don’t even know how I will cope part time. If I disclose the reasons for the gap in my of employment then I can almost guarantee that no matter how experienced I am or how much of a kind competent person I maybe, my resume will be cast aside quicker than yesterday’s newspaper. Let’s just look at the term cast aside for a moment. Abandoned, unwanted, undervalued, overlooked, ignored, forgotten, unused, depreciated, declined, passed over. Ever fiber in my being fights these words every single day, consciously and unconsciously. PTSD is very real in my world and it comes out in various ways, some of them extremely healing and creative and some not so constructive.
What does success look like anyway?
A large social media following? – These people probably have no time for anything else or they have lots of people working for them so stop comparing.
A healthy bank account? – Who doesn’t want an endless supply of cash but think about all of the things that are sacrificed in order to have this, including being with the most important people in your life.
A balanced body? – This is hard work in every sense of the word.
A great job? – Whats that? Unless you are extremely fortunate to love what you do or work for yourself in which case there are also big sacrifices.
Holidays? – That was nice for all of three seconds, now go chain yourself back to your desk in a job you hate with people you don’t really like but have to tolerate so you can save up for your next holiday.
Healthy relationships? – Saying no, creating boundaries, letting toxic people go no matter how much it hurts – did I also mention hard work.
Lots of friends? – The more friends you have the more drama you are likely to be pulled into – keep your circle small.
OR
Just the fact that you have somewhere soft and warm to sleep with food in your cupboards? – Some may call that gratitude others might call that living in survival energy. Either way it’s all a matter of perspective.
I am also under no illusion that what people post is what they want you to see. Most people do not want other people to see that they are not coping, that their marriage is falling apart, that they cant afford to feed themselves, there are bills on the fridge they cant pay, that their health is failing, that their job is taking a mental and physical toll on their well-being and that life can sometimes be really tough. A beautiful made up face and cute baby photos do not equate to a good sleep and a well adjusted baby! All the misconceptions and in-authenticity out there in social media land causes a ripple of self doubt and anxiety that we all should be more that what we are or what we are capable of achieving. One big Snap chat filter so the world never has to see the real us. Even the most positive posts can be full of falseness and fishing for more likes or comments. Ive seen it happen in groups where people strategically reply over several days to comments on posts to bring their post back up to the top of the page for more exposure. It happens and these people are sprinkling spirituality out of their calculating fingertips. Sometimes I cant work out if I admire their enterprising genius or despise their disingenuous. Like it or not social media is such an integrated part of our daily lives that it plays a part in what I consider part of my success and some days like today I am just as messed up as the next person.
As I approach my eight year cancer free I am also contemplating what the future holds for me. But for today I do nothing but write as my head hurts from projecting, my heart aches from my past failures, my body is completely and utterly exhausted and my soul is so so tired. I know this shall pass and when the waves of emotion retreat I will have found another spark of inspiration from God knows where and a renewed sense of hope for better more abundant days to come. If there is one thing I love about me its the fact that I can recognize when I need to stop, retreat and give myself the time to reinvent myself. Kind of like Madonna but without her bank account!
When life gives you lemons, you say F?@k lemonade. Then google every single recipe you can using lemons!
Michelle <3
by Michelle Potter Artist - Energy Worker - Wayshower | May 6, 2019 | Life Lessons
What if we could see our true selves? An unfiltered reflection of this reality. An honest glimpse of our archetypal natures and an opportunity to look past our own ego and see into the maps of our soul. What if we had another physical version of ourselves to show us the way. Someone to hold our hand through hard times, delight in our achievements and encourage us when we need some motivation. A twin compass that can give us guidance and assist us in seeking what it is we have agreed to fulfill in this chapter of our souls’ learning.
On my personal journey using many healing modalities, courses, teachers and self-help books, I have heard time and time again that we already hold the answers to our own questions. That we already possess all the tools to be able to do our own inner work, but what does that mean exactly? Have you ever heard the saying “Take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror?” If we really want to grow, then we have to be prepared to embrace all aspects of ourselves and learn from them which means accepting and working with our Shadow.
Our Shadow aspect is one of our greatest learning tools and working with it, rather than against it brings an enormous amount of growth and insight. When life throws uncertainty or unpleasant situations our way it also gives us opportunities for personal growth and development. I am not suggesting you must suffer from adversity to learn, but the Universe certainly has a way of getting our attention if we continue to ignore the lessons.
The truth is confronting and can often show us that we need to implement change. As creatures of habit, often even the thought of consciously moving ourselves into discomfort is enough to stop us from doing so. Because of this we get stuck in a type of patterning loop. This loop of illusion can integrate itself so much into your psyche that it starts to form into your belief patterns. This is working against your Shadow which can lead to destructive and self-sabotaging behavior, stagnation and dis-ease. It can be deceptively subtle, so much so that sometimes nothing short of a major life trauma can shift your perception of reality.
When we ignore or fail to listen to the answers from our Shadow aspect then we are denying access to the part of ourselves that want us to grow. Our inner work starts and stops with how much we are prepared to hear, transform and integrate into our lives. Our Shadow is not something to be suppressed, hidden or to be treated like the enemy. It can be our biggest ally. Our best decisions are made when we have clarity of thought. For this we need to come from a space of love and non-judgement of ourselves. All of ourselves – not just the good bits!
Stand and take an honest look in the mirror. Are you ready to access those tools you already possess? Do you want to dive deep into your inner world to discover the answers that await you? The vessel that stands reflecting back at you, he/she is the one you are looking for.
Michelle Potter
Michelle Potter Visionary Artist
