Being ‘in between’ is an odd feeling. Like those awkward years when you feel like an adult but you’re told to sit at the kids table. For a time you feel like you don’t fit anywhere, but you do know that you have outgrown a part of yourself and that it is time to move on.
The type of language that people use doesn’t sit right with you any more. The places or people that used to give you joy or inspiration, no longer give you peace or comfort. Something just feels blah.
You know you can’t go back, but you also feel that you can’t go forward, not yet anyway. It’s like you are in a holding pattern until the path that you are supposed to take starts to appear in front of you.
Time where you need to be content to just ‘be’. Just sit in the ‘I AM’ for a while. This is the most difficult part of the ‘in between’ for me. I’m used to going full steam ahead. I create, and create, and create to the point of exhaustion.
I create for joy to myself and others, to earn an income, to keep my mind busy, to see how far I can push myself, to improve my skills. I create for fun, to feed my soul, to heal, but I also create to distract myself so that I do not have to focus on things that will cause me emotional distress.
It’s like a double edged sword, and sometimes I would say an addiction. You can become addicted to anything, even creativity. Once you throw the word ‘addiction’ into something it has a negative connotation. It means that you feel you have to do this ‘thing’ in order to feed an aspect of yourself that you feel is missing. Perhaps this ‘addiction’ distracts you from the real problem or emotion that you won’t, can’t or are not ready to face. Perhaps this addiction has turned into a belief system where you feel you need it to function. The epiphanies only come when you change your course and you step away from those behaviors.
Stepping away from things that you do every day allows you to see with more clarity. You just have to go camping for a week to realise how much you can live without. The ‘in between’ can be an uncomfortable space to be.
2020 gave rise to a lot of people all over the world, and continues to do so. The New Age or Spiritual movement calls this a ‘Mass Awakening’. Putting people outside their routine and comfort zones where they have to really look at themselves and reassess who they are, what they want from life and how they can contribute to mankind.
This movement has also given way to a lot of new programs, courses, self help and well-being resources that perhaps you had not thought of delving into before. My Facebook feed is saturated with sponsored advertisements and no doubt so is yours. The temptation is always there to sign up for another masterclass class (BTW I can’t stand this term!), course, or program while you are sitting in the ‘in between’. A past mentor of mine would use the term ‘perpetual students’ referring to certain individuals who would take course after course rather than going out into the world and fully integrating what they have learnt into their lives. Resisting becoming teachers or mentors themselves through sharing or living in alignment because they are forever in search of perfecting or growing their knowledge.
Trust me, the butterfly part of me always wants to try new things, even if it’s to work out how I can learn and understand them so that I can create something of my own. But I know that this is not the time for me to do that. I know that I need to be comfortable in my discomfort. I know that rest is what I need in order to find inspiration. I know that I do not need to take another class or course or workshop at this time. I know that ‘not’ being busy does not devalue my worth.
So if you find yourself like me, stuck in the in between, be kind to yourself. Do not feel that you have to go and seek things to validate your existence. Circumstances will change, they always do but it is where you find yourself when that happens so that you do not miss the opportunities when they appear.